Does anyone in my life understand?

I really have to wonder, does anyone in my life know the crap I am going through right now.  I am ill, cranky, hurt, depressed, lonely and so many other feelings that I just cannot express.  This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I am really doubting that I have what it takes to get through this.  I am so snappy, that I do not even want to be around me.  I just do not know what to do or where to turn.

I have not heard from my DH at all this week other than about one line a day on my instant messenger.  I NEED him and I NEED to talk to him.  It is like we live on two different planets totally cut off from each other. Now do not get me wrong, I assume he must be going through a lot too.  It just seems that he does not even care what we are going through here.

When he was away at training, I was fine, so why is this so terrible.  The only thing that is different is the lack of communication.  He has internet, a wireless ipod touch, phone cards and a new phone with a global plan that he can contact me with, so what is it.  It must be me.

I am in such a dark place right now, that I just do not know how I am going to get out of this.  I am not sure there is anything darker.  I just do not know what to do or how to begin.  I need him so desperately.  I need for him to communicate with me.  I just do not get it and if I do not get it then I know that nobody else would get it either.

I desperately need help here.  I just do not know if I can take another day of this.

I am a bipolar pregnant woman!

Well it is officially the new year of 2012.  This was the first New Year's Eve I have even spent away from my DH in 17 years.  I fully admit there were a few tears last night as the ball dropped.  Nothing uncontrollable, but it was definitely hard.  We have the global plan for his phone and I was able to text him to wish him a Happy New Year, not that he texted back.  Where he is happy new year had already come and gone, but that did not matter to me.

What I would not do to hear his voice or to see him.  I miss him so much and I just pray that the pain gets easier to deal with.  At this point I feel like I am a pregnant bipolar.  One minute I am fine and the next I am balling like a baby and snapping at everyone I see.  I am just not sure how to deal.  I know, I know, I need to get busy, but can I really be that busy 24/7 for this not to hurt so much.  I really have to wonder.

I met a fellow Army Wife on Facebook the other day and I was astonished and the things that she was allowing to come out of her mouth.  She preceded to tell me that all Army soldiers cheat while they are deployed and mine would be no different.  WTH!  I was looking for support not someone to scare the crap out of me.  Why can't people just be supportive and not share the horror stories.  I want to be uplifted right now, not scared or more worried that I already am.